Tears for Fears

I am ___?

Life too harsh for me lately. For the past couple of months, well I can say that I've been living somewhere between greatness and giving up. March, April and May have passed and I am still in the situation where I can find myself with lots of question marks in my head. Lots of questions and what I have now are unclear answers.

I really can't tell why but I am lost and confused. I need to find myself. I need to find my happiness. But where should I start? How should I start? And when is the right time to start?


I am afraid.

I fear that there would be no light to see at the end of the tunnel. I fear life will not offer me the life I always I wanted. I fear people's judgements. I fear loneliness and pain. I fear rejection. I fear fear. I know it's crazy but for a long time now, fear is the only thing I have. And fear doesn't make me any good.

Dear you who's reading this, I know you're also confused of what I am talking about. I know, I am too. I write because I want to express how I feel yet today I feel the person I don't want to become. Fear is changing my perspectives in life. Fear is slowly eating me. I know I am strong man, yet today I am readying my white flag. I might just wave it soon. And when I wave that flag, I don't know what I'll become.

Now I cry. I cry because my heart cries. I cry because my soul cries. I cry because my mind cries. I cry for my fears.

Dear God, when will I cry because of happiness?

Michael Foz
June 6, 2012 / 12:10AM

Dado Banatao: The Infamous Global Filipino

(Photo Credit to Owner)

The Bottomline with Boy Abunda, my Saturday late night habit.

Tonight I find inspiration in Diosdado Banatao. The opening vtr for the show really didn't do justice to what their guest has achieved for decades now. As a viewer, and If I am not a fan of the show, would get my remote and switch channels. Like who the h*** is that man?! But fortunately, I am not that viewer. So it went on to his very brief profile. And one word made me watch him, "Cagayano". Wow! my kababayan.

So Diosdado Banatao is a Filipino billionaire based in the USA. He takes pride in being part of the Silicon Valley, I believe a hub for tech people in the very advanced technological world. He and his company develops hardwares and works hand in hand with the likes of once the World's Richest Man Bill Gates and had encounters with the famous Apple visionary Steve Jobs whom he regard by the way as "pain in the ass". Haha! He has his humble roots in Iguig Cagayan.


What was notable in the interview was his approach towards questions by the host. I can sense Boy Abunda was a little bit scared to throw questions. He should be, that person was like BIG so he'd better be careful. But fair enough, Tito Boy did his magic. He made him answer questions like "Lights on or lights off?" which he found himself lost and speechless for a while but answering a few. Thank God Tito Boy didn't ask the famous "Boxers or briefs?". But that would be interesting! Mr. Banatao was straight forward. He said he dislikes unions. He didn't answer questions like "How much are you worth?". He envisions a better world through quality education. He made political declarations, he is voting for Romney in the next elections. That man is "THE MAN".


I take inspiration in him because he was not the typical story of rugs to riches. He was poor coming from an infamous town in Cagayan maybe a lot of you may not have heard yet. But they were never deprived especially of food. He takes pride that his father is a farmer, in his words "Pag farmer laging may pagkain". He said he didn't celebrate birthdays because he wasn't comfortable with it. And this took me, his most memorable childhood memory, going to church alone and that's how he celebrated his birthday. Mr Banatao went to Mapua to finish college and eventually leaving the country for Standford University and making it big in the states. Not the typical rugs to riches story because since day one he believed he was "able".


I take pride that he's from my province. I didn't know about a Dado Banatao until a while ago. He inspires me that I am affected with what he is and did to become the man that he is today. He said he didn't dream. And I interpret it as He didn't  dream because he was busy living. And that starts for me today. I will be "able" like he is.


I like to believe that he was infamous until an hour ago. Now we know that there is an admirable man in this world proud of his roots and has this vision and work for the Filipinos. I rally behind him for his vision of good education as the solution to end poverty. II hope everyone gets to be like him. As determined and as brave. I boast of him as my kababayan and this country's pride.

His characteristics I think is apparent in every successful man's story. Determined, Believes he is able, strong willed and lastly believes in his God.


Tito Boy leaves us with what Dada Banatao told him, "Only the paranoid survives". And I agree. Luckily I am both paranoid, infamous and poor. But I am determined, I stick to what I believe in and I believe in my God. Well I think the future's bright for me then.


Michael Foz
June 3, 2012 / 2:OOAM

CJ Corona and Love Letters

Corona is convicted and Love Letters are everywhere! Connection?

So today marks a historic event for the Philippines as 20 senator-judges voted guilty over the Chief Justice and only 3 voted not guilty.

In a rude sense, I kinda felt happy about the verdict. Well, I foremost hate corrupt officials of this corrupt government. I don't have a wide knowledge on this trial but I am with majority of the Filipinos. This country needs a good leader and a corrupt official like Mr. Corona who has 82 dollar accounts, questionable real estate properties among others is not considered one good leader. Unfortunately for him, he will be an icon of corruption... like Erap! And like many other officials who has yet to be investigated and convicted. I hope they all get to go to jail!


And on the lighter part, I went to my brother's house and suddenly while watching the news brings out a box of love letters and hands them to me for me to read. I felt my brother's sadness. He had too damn many cute looking boyfriends but he ends up today with none, not even one. But what struck me was the genuine love in those love letters. I felt like my brother's one lucky guy to have all of those people who truly loved him. It was to that point that I compared myself to him and damn I'm not even close to what he has achieved in his past relationships. I had really bad relationships. So here I am, looking for my love letters. And I did found some. I just read the first line and bam back to the envelopes. Well I am somewhat proud of my relationships but it really breaks my heart to realize that it was my fault why none have stayed. poor boy. Haha!


So I make a promise... I will not have bad relationships anymore. Ill try. For maybe one day when I come looking for those love letters again I can have the courage to read top to bottom and just say Hey I had a good one!


Michael Foz
May 29, 2012 / 10:57PM

The Gaga Controversy: A Nation going Gaga!

Lady Gaga is in the Philippines!

But instead of a warm welcome from the HOSPITABLE people called Filipinos, some welcome her with protests.

(Photo: Courtesy of Yette Cruz)

Now I ask, what's wrong with these religious groups? They're giving the devil too much credit!

Today marks Lady Gaga's 2nd concert in the Philippines. The first one was huge, but this one seems to be bigger! It has been all over the media from fb, twitter, newspapers, radio and tv. Why? Well they say Lady Gaga is evil. Oh c'mon people you're better than this. Why are you all protesting about her performing in the Philippines? I have to say assess before you all even complain of her being here. She's a pop star and its her freedom of expression. If you don't like her, don't watch her or don't listen to her songs. Simple as that. You say Gaga is a threat to us, I say no. And I say mind your own business people. If the old woman from the teleserye Walang Hanggan Donya Margaret hears about this, you'll all hear her famous line "You're Pathetic!".

Lady Gaga is an artist. And as an artist it is her own right to express herself. If she doesn't believe in your god and in my God, respect. It takes a lot of values to give a person due respect.

So little monsters unite! And religious monsters, back off!! This controversy has all gagafied us.

Michael Foz
May 21, 2012 7:05PM

TV: Tell-a-vision

It's been a while since I've visited this site. Let's put it this way... I was busy! Yes, with nothing I believe. Haha! I am a certified bum.

Now is the time to share what I have in mind. What should I share? Hmm... lately I've been feeling strange with myself. I feel so down and low. Maybe because of this long lived boredom of mine for 3 long months now. Well, I really feel worthless. Nah! This is just all in my head.

(Photos: Credits to owners)

Ok what's up with the world lately? We have Manny Pacquiao opposing gay marriage, Jessica Sanchez's battle to be in the Top 2 of American Idol and that Thrilla in NAIA between the Santiagos and Friends versus Mon Tulfo.
 
Let's keep this short and sweet alright?

Manny Pacquiao opposing gay marriage has had downsides for the Fighting Pride of The Philippines. First was being banned from The Grove and from Mario Lopez's Extra. But Manny denies that he won't be guesting anymore. He also clarifies issues regarding quoting a verse from the Book of Leviticus in the Bible condemning gays. Which also was clarified by the writer that Manny really didn't quote the verse from the Bible but it was the writers call to put the verse on the article. And now, the gay community asking Nike to drop their sponsorship with Manny. How unfortunate can you get Manny? Well just one thing brotha, before uttering any derogatory words to a group in the society, think of the consequences. It might cost you your fortune when you keep being stupid.

Jessica (should be) on the Top 2 of the American Idol Season 11 seems to be a big deal for Filipino fans. well, you can't blame us. She's carrying our country (and Mexico) with her. And c'mon she deserves it! So what did I do when clock strike 12NN in the Philippines? I voted for her thru Skype. It actually worked! Hehe! I hope she gets in. I even included her in my prayers. I'm a fan! Really!

then last but the not least, The Santiagos versus the Tulfos. Well I have to say this one's a tough call. Choosing between two not-so-good-entities will make you really think. So I choose not to choose. I don't know who to believe in. The media will always be biased in reporting. TV5 is for the Tulfos and GMA7 is for the Santiagos. ABS-CBN I bet won't also be fair.

So there! The chaotic but fun world of show business. And hey, there's a reason why it's called show business right?

Michael Foz
May 18, 2012 1:20PM

In the Enemy's Territory

It's a Saturday and I want a fast forward to Monday, April 30, 2012.

Last Wednesday, I don't know what got into me when I hurriedly went to my room, take my laptop and check my email and other accounts. I clicked the logo of GMA-7 in Jobstreet first thing when I got connected to the internet. I applied in a job opening then after two hours I got a text from them. The next day, I am in GMA-7 having my interview with the HR and after the managers.


I just wanna share a weird statement I answered in my interview and I still can't get over it:


HR: What is your weakness Michael?


Me: LOVE? Hahahaha!


HR: Cheezy ka ha!! Hahahaha!!

It was not the typical answer you get from someone who's applying for a certain position. But it was really the first thing that popped my mind. And I'm not at all ashamed of my answer. I think for reasons I got the HR's attention. (Hahaha)

It was kinda weird to be in "the enemy's territory". I didn't imagine myself even setting foot on that station. I was a Kapamilya since I the time we first had a television set in the province. There were times when I watched GMA-7 shows but I have to say I am not really a fan. Even when I was taking up Mass Communication at FEU, I really didn't think I would be in GMA-7 at the most watching a live show in the studio.

But here I am, smarter, setting foot again on GMA-7 on Monday for my final interview with the department's Vice President. And I am excited for it. Not the normal me. I don't why but there is something that tells me this is my future. And I have to work my way up.

Whatever the outcome on Monday with my interview and hopefully they give me the exam already, I will accept. For whatever it is, this is what God is telling me to do, to go and to love.
To God Be The Glory!


Michael Foz
April 28, 2012, 10:38PM

Wait. Set. Go!

I have a problem with the virtue of patience. It is proven by my colleagues and friends that I am not a big fan of Patience. If someone is late for more than 15 minutes, then my temper challenges me. I know my exes know that. That's what gets me in trouble.

I am a fan of accuracy and time. And for some reason I believe in this statement:

"Though Patience is a Virtue, TIME is GOLD"

It has been a week since my interview with this Events, Marketing and Advertising company. Though I always get updates from my friend who is the consultant of the company, I don't know why it is this long to wait until I start working. I feel bored now. I feel that I really want to start already, right at this moment. (Haha) Well I am still lucky! I know some people who waits a year or more just to land a job. I am still thankful. This patience really bug me and when it does, my mind plays. And sometimes I don't want what it tells me. I think I just have to wait and enjoy every minute, hour and day of my bum days.

Now I have another problem... how will I say goodbye to my colleagues in ABS-CBN? WellI I will on the first day of work in my new job. (Hahahaha)

For now I have to:

Wait... Set... then finally Go!

Michael Foz

April 24, 2012 / 11:52 AM